Hi Reader!
In 1969, Coca-Cola told the world, "It's the real thing." I keep coming back to that line, because in marriage the real thing is usually the part nobody says out loud.
When we were first married, Terrell came home one day, walked into the house, and every answer I got from him was short and snappy. I asked what was wrong, and he said, "You didn't greet me when I came in." I was caught completely off guard, because I never knew that mattered to him. In his mind I should have known, because that's what a good wife does, but he had never once said it. You don't know what you don't know.
It was a small moment, but it was real. The enemy was trying to build a wall between us, one unspoken expectation at a time, and we refused to let a small issue spread like a virus into the rest of our marriage.
|
|
“
"Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ."
— Ephesians 4:15 (NIV)
|
Maybe you're on the other side of that story. Maybe a conversation didn't go how you hoped, or a need went unmet one too many times, and something in you quietly decided that saying it out loud wasn't worth the energy. You didn't go quiet out of anger; you went quiet because you were tired. Life kept moving, your spouse kept assuming everything was fine, and now there's a gap between what you feel and what actually gets said.
This is one of the most common things we hear from couples, and it doesn't mean you're broken, it means you're human. It does, however, need to be addressed.
Three truths about the communication gap most couples have:
- It rarely starts with a fight; it starts with a conversation that went nowhere and a quiet decision to stop trying.
- Your spouse probably isn't ignoring you; they genuinely don't know the channel has been closing.
- Reopening it doesn't require a perfect moment; it requires one honest question and a little courage.
Two questions to bring to your spouse this week:
- Is there something you've been wanting to say to me but haven't been sure how to bring up?
- Do you feel like I really hear you when you share something important?
That's what speaking the truth in love looks like, and keeping the peace at the cost of connection isn't really peace at all. The good news about your spouse not being able to read your mind is that you don't have to leave your marriage to guesswork. You get to decide what they know about you, and you get to choose to be known.
If those questions feel too heavy to start with, start lighter. We created Know Me, Love Me, a free couples game that helps you uncover the preferences, needs, and little expectations that usually stay hidden until they cause friction. Play it on your next date night, and you might be surprised by what you learn about the person you thought you already knew.
You can hear us talk through this whole conversation on this week's episode of Home to Haven, Your Spouse Can't Read Your Mind.
P.S. Know Me, Love Me is free, and all it takes is the two of you and a little curiosity. Play it this week.
In expectation,
